Clean sheets, fresh flowers, dental shots, and the hong kong glue

   I'm fat, so far it hasn't been a problem for me, I fit into plane seats comfortably, roller coasters, turnstiles, I've never gotten stuck in anything due to my weight, never broken a piece of furniture or been unable to wear regular name brand clothes. Maybe thats why I'm taking my time to lose weight heehee, because it hasn't been embarrassing  yet.
   Anyway, I married a fat guy. He's hot, I like big guys (girls too) but it has caused me one particular problem which is driving me to tears.
   I haven't slept in a bed in two years. I sleep on a mattress on the floor like a bum. I hate it! I HATE IT!!!!!! Every time I walk into my room I feel my blood pressure going up! It looks horrible! It makes me feel like there is no point to maintaining any kind of style or order in there because its so ugly anyway. Why should I care if my clothes are all over the floor? It already looks like a crack/flop house why fix it now?
   When I met Colin he slept on a mattress on the floor, and I almost wouldn't sleep with him because of how much I hate mattresses on the floor. If you know how hot I am for my husband you know thats serious.
   When we moved in together my grandparents gave us a heavy gauge steel bed frame that held them up when grandma was 9 months pregnant and grandpa weighed over 250 lbs, so it wasn't flimsy. There was a weight limit stamped on it that I didn't notice until it was too late heehee. One day the box spring broke, and a few weeks later the steel leg of the frame bent.
   Ever since then its been a mattress on the floor, and I cried about t today. Two years, we've had no bed and I cried about it today?!?
   So I looked for a bed that could hold the two of us, cant find one that dosent cost more than my soul is worth, or that isnt made for a hopital. FUCK ME! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   Done ranting now. le suck.



 

    I have a soulmate. I have a person in my life with whom I am so close that I have been forced to believe in all manner of supernatural things, like love at first sight, and fate. The first time I sw Colin, there was a warmth in my chest, there was an imediate feeling that I knew him always, that I wanted to be around him always, that I wanted to hold him in my arms.
   On my first date with COlin we barely touched, he didnnt even kiss me goodnight, and I burned for him. I wanted to hold him, and kiss him, and nuzzle my nose against the back of his neck.
   Colin has quite honestly read my mind on occasion, he knows when I'm going into a down-shift (I have maic depression), he knows when I miss my family. He knows me. No one has ever or will ever know me like he does.
   I have a soulmate, and I spent the whole day watching the clouds in his eyes, dreaming of our future children, and stealing kisses in the sun.
   This evening we watched "What Dreams May Come", a film we both love, and it made me wonder. How many times have Colin and I met? and how many times will we meet again? How many times will we share a brief human lifetime only to chose rebirth that we may find eachother again?
   Now I'm crying, causing my oat-meal/avacado face mask to run down my chin, but Colin is looking at me quizicaly over the edge of the laptop, and there is so much love in his eyes. He doesn't care that I'm puffy and green, nor that I'm sweaty in the summer heat. He looks at me and all he sees is the love of his life, A woman he would go to hell just to hang around, and a person he wants his children to part of.
   I should get off here, he just asked "What are you typing? The sequil to 'War and Peace'?".
  

    I used to have a great many friends that I spent a great amount of time with. Then I got two jobs and ceased to have a social life offline.  Now I have all the free time in the world, and almost all of my friends live in South County. Thankfully, I have my beloved moose, but I never get to see her. I believe I have plans to se her for her bday tonight...I should most likely figure out where and when this is...I've also hung around with someone who lives within walking distance. Living close enough to me that I donthave to buy you plane tickets to come see me is a perk, and their a bum too for the moment, so at 3am when I decide I need to go for a walk and talk about the fetish alphabet I have a potential partner. Not that Colin wouldn't go with me also, but sometimes you just have to hang out with someone you're not contractually obligated to like ;)
   I miss Jaime, I miss Tim, I miss meagan, huntar, even chris. heehee sorry chris. I definately miss Melissa, but she has like babies and a lfe now, so i get it. I'm just saying, the last time I saw ayone from that crew was when I went swmming with john and jaime, Ben was there, but he kind of sat on a rock and had a mohawk heehee. 
   I miss my Florida crews, Kiah, Brandon, the okikowa family, I really miss s* (name changed to protect the nekkid) damn that man was a good fucking time....RAWR. Sometimes I even miss Jason *pouty face* I just miss being around people I've known for more than 3 years. 
   Heres a sign I should get on with my day, "countig bodies..." by A Perfect Cicle just popped onto Pandora, its a good day to live!
 

Some days it takes several fancy looking little jars and bottles to make a woman feel pretty. Today, I washed my face!

Mega T green tea and hoodia...I have become a fat burning machine! and I have energy out the ass! We're going to walk to Tony's for dinner,and I'm about to go do some bad-ass circut training of doom... WHo wants to be first to bounce a quarter off my ass?

    For dinner I wanted to ttry something different, so I made a grain salad with brown rice, pearled wheat and bulgar (near east creative grains roasted pecan and garlic mix) Holy crap was this so freaking good!!! I prepared it with water chose to use extra virgin olive oil over butter, I imagine one could make it with broth, and it would be fantastic! I served this with grilled boneless/skinless chicken breast and brocolli (holy crap I love brocolli!!! Shout out to my parents for introducing me to one of my favourite foods!!!!!!!!!!!!).   
   I'm pretty excited that I got up early today, ate a fantastic meal, and I've chugged 2 liters of water thus far, most likely three before bed (interesting note, I've noticed I prefer my water nearer to room temperature...turns out this is beetter for you). I may or may not have munched on  pringles, goldfish, and candy for breakfast, but a) it was small amounts, and b) its in the past, so I'm moving on!
   I still havent heard the details on a funeral I'm supposed to attend tomorrow, so I'm stressed, but still I've not eaten my feelings heehee. I feel good, I'm nourished, and I'm happy. Go food! food ftw!

formating c...cant format me!

    My husband is my favourite person. He is a living miracle. I'm all toasty in my bed, his warm, soft skin reminding me of how lucky I am. I love my marriage, not just my husband. It's easy to love your husband, (if you didn't love the guy, he shouldn't have become your husband) but so few women seem to love their marriages. Granted my husband doesn't do any of the crap that most women complain about their husbands doing. My husband rarely snores, and never loud enough to bother me. My husband generates little to no mess for me to whine about.  My husband listens to my entire point before he responds. My husband magically knows exactly what I need, and when I need it. Colin goes so far as to consult with me before he buys himself a sandwich with his own money. If there is one thing that my husband does that isn't perfect, it's that he's never torn open my bodice. Give him time, and a bodice and I'm sure he can work it out.
   I know a great deal of married people and they seem to fall into one or more of the following categories.
1) The glorified roommates. They live together...sort of, they spend maybe 30 minutes of quality time together a week, and email each other to ask  for sex.
2) The combatants. They can only communicate in shouts and verbal abuse.
3) The moral obligation horror show. Also know as the shot-gunners. These two met at a bus stop, had a quickie behind a 7-11, 7 months later the wedding bells ring! 
4) The friend-spouses. Friend-spouses are married couples who are good friends, and thats it. He wishes she was Lisa Kudrow, and she closes her eyes and thinks of Mel Gibbson. These marriages lack any kind of passion, physical attraction, or even romantic connection. The couple I have in mind specifically got married because they were single on their thirtieth birthdays and decided they would rather tolerate each other than wait forever for perfection.
5) This last category is especially dear to my heart as almost my entire family can fall into it rather seamlessly. The "You're the right age, right height, we're not related, and I'm not completely horrified by the sight of you naked" Settlers. Settlers settle, they find a nice dumb cow, a "fixer upper" in South County and they settle for the first thing that came along. 
   I want to spend some time today thanking all the Gods that ever were that I have never had to settle when it comes to Colin. I rarely fight with him, I have all the passion in the world for him (drools over his horse thighs), and he is most assuredly my best friend, but he is also my lover. 
   I married Colin simply because I love him, I enjoy him, and I burn for him. I thought to myself, "I could spend the rest of my life trapped in an elevator with this man, and be entertained and in love the whole time". Not to mention, I could most assuredly have sex with him, and only him until the day I die and rest easy knowing there isn't anything out there that comes close to what I have in here! 
   I'm in love with my husband, and everyday with him is filled with adventure, exploration, and wonder. He makes me feel safe, and clean, and good. He is fresh sheets, Ivory soap, and hot soup. Colin is everything I love about anything!
   The last thing I'll rant about is how Colin's love fixes things. I was very broken when I met Colin, but the way he loves me, it's so whole, so pure, and so great, that it fixes me. Everyday with him I forget another reason to be bitter. Colin takes away the void, because he filled it with love. I can't wait to hear the silly things he comes up with today, and I'm trying to prepare for the challenging Socratic dialogues that naturally happen when we're cleaning the house, or lying in bed like bums, or strolling in the park...
   I love my husband,I'm in love with my husband, I'm infatuated with my husband, I have a crush on my husband, and by all the Gods, I've Never Been Happier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Things I was Thankful for on Sunday 7/12/09
1) Amazing skin
2)Colin's warm, inviting arms
3) A nice cool bed with crisp clean sheets
4) A beautiful dream about my dearest love
5) Good friends, and less than productive gaming sessions

First thing I'm thankful for today:

Spelling gratuitous right! Sweet!

   On May 31st, in the year 2000, my cousin J.J. was murdered. It was a pre-meditated crime, commited by his friend and schoolmate. The boy who killed my cousin, was 15. He wrote a list before he commited this murder, a list of how to prepare my cousin, and later his body. The text is as follows: 

List to prepair Jarey
Strip to underware & rap in tower ("rap in tower" is assumed to mean wrap in towel by almost everyone involved in the case)
Tie up hands
Gag
Cover eye

   This list was found in the septic tank he dropped J.J. and his bike into. 
   Before anyone discovered my cousin's body, while we still thought him only missing, my uncle stopped to ask John Anthony Silva if he had seen J.J. his reply was "No, but he's already dead". When Silva's family later spoke of what might of happened to J.J. Silva said "All I can say, is that’s a terrible way to die".
   In school, long before any of this happened,  Silva was asked to agree or disagree with the statement "Children should be tried as adults", he wrote "Yes". When asked to explain his opinion, he wrote "Kids would think twice about crimes, you do the crime, you do the time"
   John Anthony Silva thought twice, in fact four times, about this crime. He wrapped the ace bandage around Jerry Alley Jrs. four times, taking the time to knot it after each...a living, flailing, fighting human being. He most assuredly knew what he was doing. It is assumed the motive was that John wanted J.J.'s Pokemon cards.
   I did some research into the prison that John Silva is in. They have a pretty cushy life there. Cable t.v. (I don't have cable t.v.) Educational programs at no cost to the inmate or their families (I don’t have access to free college credits. Do you?) An organic foods program (I eat Ramen noodles and hot dogs, which I have to pay for) A fitness center (I can't afford a gym membership, do you know of anyplace where you can use a fitness center for free everyday?) And the very nice lady on the phone went so far as to tell me about a program in which people send books, socks, and other small gifts to the inmates at Christmas. Not to mention free health care, free therapy, free glasses...etc.
   There are thousands of people across the country petitioning to get John Anthony Silva out on parole. I think he's better of in the cushy jail that you and I pay for than in the trailer in the woods, living with 7 other people that he was in before. Not to mention I never again want to get off the school bus to find my grandparents waiting for me to drive me to an emergency therapy session so they can tell me that my best friend and family member was strangled to death by a kid who wanted his Pokemon cards.
   I just needed to rant about this, and I wanted to do it in a way that no one was obligated to listen to/read. I just needed a little cathartic LiveJournal pity party.



   

•     The fourth was amazing. My husband and I went to India Point Park in Providence to see a fireworks display. We had so much fun just smootching on a blanket and people watching. We had some snackings and in general, just a really good time!
•    Church thiis week was a very calming expirience, and afterward, we went to a Gaia's Hearth meeting. We met a ton of awesome people, and had some awesome nibbles!
•    Stuff is generally awesome and fluffy

    Today on the way home from church, I listened to "Prison Sex" by Tool, and I got head to toe goose bumps. There are not enough hours in the day for me to listen to music. I just wanted to record a profoundly moving moment I had...but anythime I hear music it's profound. 
   I found some spiritual clairity today, more on that tomorrow...sleepy yelly!

    That I just composed on my fridge!

   When can you matriculate?
   Platitudes to incubate.
   Make languages copulate,
   Verbosely Fulminate.
   Missives do manipulate,
   Your living diamonds interpolate,
   And shine when you expatiate.
   Obsequious profligate.
   

    If you get that reference, then we're probably friends. I read this person's blog tonight, then I felt guilty for not updating this...so here it goes
   
   I had a birthday, I'm 22 now...I still tell people I'm 21

   I met all the nieces and nephews born in Florida, and saw my favourite Nick. He was huge, and nearly compelte, and I cried for hours at having missed his life and no longer being his best friend and Aunty Dee. I also saw Alisha, who was my best friend from the time I was 12, and married my brother.  

   My father re-married, her name is Donna, I love her to pieces, she feels like a step-mom should.. My mother is engaged, his name is Robbie, he makes me laugh, and he makers her happy. I'm now, collectively, one of 11 children. I feel like maybe my family rocks hard-core now.

   My grandparents... I adore them, I worship them, and they are aging...Not O.K.

   I got fat, and I don't mean I gained 6 pounds and feel self-consious, I mean I've gained 19lbs since my wedding, I still think I have some awesome assets, I'd do me, and my face is gorgeous, but I miss running, and frisbee is hard when your fluffy.

   I now love frisbee...a lot...

   I need local friends. I have my Liz, she is Cranston's delicious, creamy, elfy center for me...I need peoples, I left my peopls in South COunty, I miss them!

   Jaime, my favourite sister, is going to move in with me....BIGGEST YAY OF JOY EVER!

   If I haven't seen you in a long time, I most likely want to.

   I have spoken, all depart.

   I have it so bad right now...

  Until my wedding. Until the first time I'll have cried in public in years. Until I'm with my whole family in one place for the last time. Until I am officially Colin's. Until I wear a fluffy cupcake princess dress. Yay!

   I've been watching a DVD about two young people from Eastern Europe who are on a road trip to discover Gypsy music.


   All I've thought about for the last few hours is someone very very dear to me, whom has since left this world, who spent many summers of her life with Gypsies whilst on trips to Budapest and Prague. I miss her and the gifts she brought back, that always smelled of wine soaked onions. I miss her stories, and the people she brought little pieces of home with her.

Opre Roma!!